Understanding the Generational Divide

When I was a kid, I would never have got away with that.”

I can distinctly remember my father telling me tall tales of the hardships he endured as a teenager growing up in Melbourne in the 1960s. This was always in the context of his frustration at “how easy the kids of today have it”. Now, I find myself thinking the same when I compare my teenage years to those of my teenage children.

These days, Lauries parents typically belong to the back-end of Generation X (born 1965-1979) and the early years of Generation Y (1980-1994). Many of our boys, belonging to Generation Alpha (2010-2024), have had an online presence since birth due to our use of social media. They are part of a generation characterised by being tech-savvy, visually-oriented learners and deeply connected to one another through technology.

As their parents, we grew up in an era where we discovered the top hits by watching ABC’s rage on a Saturday morning and television programs stopped broadcasting at a certain time each night. I can remember standing by a cassette recorder to catch a recording of a Spice Girls song on the radio. The recording would invariably miss the first few beats and featured the characteristic click of the Record button. We usually had one telephone set in the household and if we were lucky enough to have a second, we could pick up the phone and eavesdrop until the conversation was over. Concepts such as on-demand content and instant messaging were unfathomable. It seems like our young people are so used to be entertained on demand, that they see it as a breach of human rights when they have nothing to do. 

Today, teenagers are often perceived as being obsessed with their mobile phones, lacking resilience, having shortened attention spans and struggling with emotional regulation and face-to-face conversation. This creates frequent tension in households between a parent’s vision for routines and boundaries and a teenager’s attraction to their mobile phone or computer games. However, while technology is often blamed for these generational differences, research suggests this may be largely a cognitive illusion. While excessive screen time can be a concern, studies indicate that moderate technology use does not inherently reduce attention spans or social skills. Instead, it is how technology is used that matters most.

Understanding the Generational Divide

Tension between adults and teenagers is nothing new. The generational divide—referring to the perceived cultural, technological and behavioral differences between age groups—has been documented for centuries. There are 6,000-year-old hieroglyphs in an Egyptian tomb lamenting the attitudes of young people.

Peter the Hermit, a Catholic priest from the First Crusade, complained in AD 1274: “The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint.”

The Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote: “Their ambition prevents their ever tolerating a slight and renders them indignant at the mere idea of enduring an injury…Finally, they are fond of facetiousness.”

In 1937, Anna Freud (daughter of Sigmund Freud) concluded: “Their behaviour is rough and inconsiderate, yet they themselves are extremely touchy.”

While the specifics change, the core tensions between generations remain the same. Rather than seeing social media, gaming or smartphones as the reason for generational disconnect, we can instead focus on strategies to bridge these differences and foster understanding.

Treaties, Not Truces: The Power of Mentorship

Rather than engaging in power struggles, parents can adopt a mentor mindset—a shift that increases teenagers’ motivation and cooperation. Defined by the Office of the Commissioner for Public Sector Employment, “Mentoring is to support and encourage people to manage their own learning in order that they may maximise their position, develop their skills, improve their performance and become the person they want to be.”

Mentorship is not about exerting authority; it is about forming an alliance based on support, trust and mutual respect. It is a treaty rather than a truce. A truce involves a winner and a loser, whereas a treaty is a mutual agreement that acknowledges both perspectives.

For example, rather than banning mobile phones outright, parents can negotiate designated ‘tech-free’ times, allowing teenagers to have input in the decision. This approach signals that we respect their autonomy while also reinforcing the importance of balance. Similarly, rather than enforcing an early bedtime unilaterally, a parent could discuss healthy sleep habits and agree on a bedtime together, creating a shared sense of responsibility rather than resistance.

By using a treaty approach, we signal to our young men that we value and respect them while maintaining high standards for behaviour. Open communication, negotiated boundaries and mutual understanding lay the foundation for a strong, supportive relationship—one that helps them grow into responsible, well-balanced adults.

Reference

Yeager, D. S. (2024). 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People. Random House.